How to Shake Hands

How to Shake Hands

A professional guide to mastering the handshake, covering firmness, eye contact, angle, and cultural etiquette to ensure a great first impression.

Let's face it: some people know how to shake hands. Considering that you can make or break a deal—or an election—depending upon how well you shake hands, it's important to learn how to do it right:

1. First impressions. Your handshake will do much to establish a first impression of yourself. Even if your hand is greasy, sweaty, or otherwise less-than-presentable, give it a quick wipe and extend it anyway. Extending a hand is an important symbol of friendship, approachability, and trustworthiness, and it is all-important in establishing an initial connection with another person. Really, the significance of a handshake cannot be overstated—if you don't have a passable handshake, you might miss out on the job.
2. Firmness. This is where people tend to go overboard. In an attempt to convey a powerful presence, some people squeeze too hard, which is synonymous with trying too hard. Your handshake should be firm, but not so firm that it is uncomfortable. You also need to adjust your grip according to the recipient; for example, if you are shaking the hand of an elderly person, ease up. Alternatively, you don't want to have a "limp fish" handshake either—this is where practice with friends comes in handy. If you've shaken enough hands and gotten feedback, you will develop a natural sense for the appropriate firmness.
3. Angle. Think perpendicular. The palm of your hand should be parallel to the hand you are shaking, and perpendicular to the floor. If you put your palm on top, it is the equivalent of trying to show dominance. If you do this to a superior, you have just made a major faux pas. On the other hand, if your hand is facing up so that the other person's hand is atop yours, you are assuming a submissive pose. By presenting a perpendicular hand, you send a message of equality and neutrality.
4. Eye contact. You must always look into the eyes of the person whose hand you are shaking. Otherwise, you negate the point of shaking hands in the first place and send a signal of insincerity or sneakiness. If you are extremely nervous to the point that looking into the other person's eyes feels overwhelming, you have to do it anyway. You cannot perform a handshake successfully without making eye contact.
5. Pumping. Aim for two pumps, with one to three pumps as your outer limit. Even if you are trying to convey a sense of warmth, anything longer than that gets awkward. If you want to convey extra warmth and it is appropriate to the setting, you can briefly pat the other person's hand with your free hand.
6. Practice. Think of how you learned to say "please" and "thank you." It took several reminders until the behavior became second nature. Practice your handshake with friends until extending your hand is as easy and natural as saying "excuse me" when you brush past someone. Friends can also give you helpful feedback on your firmness and pumping action.
7. Cultural appropriateness. If you're traveling in a foreign country, you'll need to do your research on whether a handshake is an appropriate form of greeting, particularly with the opposite gender. In some cultures, shaking hands is seen as far too intimate an initial contact with a stranger.

For the record, Joe Kennedy was elected that year, and the author voted for him based largely on his handshake.