How to Deal with Rebellious Teenagers

How to Deal with Rebellious Teenagers

Tips for understanding and dealing with teenagers during this critical stage of their lives.

Teenagers are at a critical stage in their lives: the transition from being a child to maturing into an adult. During this period, they are going through vast hormonal changes and are experiencing pressure from their peers, the media, and other external influences. At this significant stage in their lives, they need their parents to become their friends rather than authority figures controlling their lifestyles. They need to feel help and support throughout this stage of their lives. You can get some great tips on communicating with your teen from the popular and effective Teenage Parenting 101.

It's important to realize that during this stage of their lives, teens are continuously seeking independence from their parents in all aspects of their lives. They are beginning to develop sexual desires and to question the existence of God and spirituality in their lives. They desire to be treated as adults, and they are in constant search of their identities, finding the groups in which they belong and, more importantly, finding themselves.

1. Give them love, forgiveness, and constant support when they experience failure. Teenagers need to be assured that when they make mistakes, they will realize it and prevent the mistakes from happening again in the future. It is your duty, as both their parents and their friends, to always love them no matter what, and to reassure them that it's okay to make mistakes as long as they learn from them. In dealing with teenagers during this critical period, you need to let them know they will always be loved and that you will always be there to support them and help their wounds heal.
2. Listen to their concerns and nurture them. A great parenting style keeps the communication flowing between you and your teen. Don't let yourself become isolated from them. Always be there for them with a shoulder to cry on and an ear ready to listen. Give them the opportunity to speak without giving them long lectures, which make them feel inadequate and incompetent. After all, we all make mistakes; teenagers need to be assured that you are not treating them like a child and trying to control them. Speak to them the same way a friend would, making them feel as though they are having a conversation with a friend rather than with their parents.
3. Acknowledge the boundaries you set for them. Teenagers are constantly re-evaluating the boundaries you set for them, whether they are too strict, too lenient, or overprotective. You must never be overprotective of them, because you have to let them fall down and fail so they'll learn. You must never let your fears get in the way of protecting them. It is your fears that create the overprotective boundaries you put in place for them, and in order to combat this, you need to be prepared to watch them fail at least once in their lives.
4. Allow them to make decisions for themselves. In parenting teens, try to accept as many of their requests as possible and give them room to make their own decisions. Allow them to choose their own tastes in clothes, hobbies, and activities, because these give them a sense of identity and create a stronger bond between you. If they feel constant control by you over their lives, that will trigger the mighty force of rebellion embedded in them. Refuse to make their decisions for them.
5. Praise their good qualities and decisions. Always let them know how you feel about the wise and mature decisions they make; this allows their independence to grow and they will feel more adequate. Tell them you love them and that you are proud of them. This makes them feel satisfied and guides them toward the right path.
6. Do not compare them to others. Don't verbally compare your teenagers to their siblings or other people's children; this infuriates teenagers and creates more anger and rebellion within them. It also creates sibling rivalry and jealousy. Always acknowledge their uniqueness and good qualities to ensure this doesn't occur.
7. Respect them. Always knock before entering a teenager's room. Speak to them respectfully and don't embarrass them in front of others.

Of course, even with nurturing, they will always have the tendency toward rebellion embedded in them. Always be prepared for the worst and try to control your anger toward their wrongdoings. Remember to always be there for them as a friend or companion to help them out.