How to Spend Secular Holidays and Celebrations as a Muslim

How to Spend Secular Holidays and Celebrations as a Muslim

Every year, the Christmas season, New Year, and Valentine's Day leave Muslims thinking, "What should we do?"

As every year ends and a new one begins, Muslims all over the world face the dilemma of whether or not to celebrate certain international holidays and festivals that follow closely on each other's heels. Examples of these include Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and Valentine's Day, which are soon followed by Easter.

Muslims living in Western countries, in particular, get overwhelmed by a rush of partying, decorations, greetings, school holidays, seasonal sales, and communal merry-making, leaving them with few options about how to respond.

Although most progressive societies claim to offer individual freedom of choice to their residents, boasting multi-ethnic populations that exhibit mutual tolerance and respect, the fact remains that Muslims are seldom genuinely respected for their lack of integration into these societies.

Since Muslims remain steadfast in their worship and Islamic obligations across all spheres of life—be it social interaction, dress code, dietary rules, or work ethics—they usually face silent antagonism from their communities: an antagonism that simmers quietly beneath the surface, yet is very much present.

As a Muslim, when you and your family face the dilemma of how to spend your time while everyone around you prepares for or celebrates a holiday outside of Islam, how should you think, act, and react in general with other Muslims, as well as with non-Muslim peers and colleagues?

1. Educate yourself and your family in a mature manner:
   
   You can consult original sources of knowledge regarding what a Muslim should and should not do during secular festivals and celebrations. What exactly is it about partaking in these festivities that is discouraged in Islam? Is it the aspect of imitating non-Muslims? Is it the extravagance and spending involved? Or is it the support of the beliefs and concepts upon which these celebrations are based?

You can consult your local mosque or Islamic Q&A sources on the internet for answers so that you can make an informed choice regarding your actions. Afterward, you may choose to educate fellow Muslims—those who are willing and eager to listen—about what you have learned. However, please do not forcefully lecture or preach to Muslims who are not interested in listening: those who want to celebrate the holidays and remain unconcerned about the Islamic viewpoint on the issue.

Below is an example of such an educational lecture: a video by Sheikh Abdullah Hakim Quick, delivered at the University of Miami, regarding celebrations and holidays in Islam:

2. Enjoy the holidays alternatively:
   
   Since your family may have a few days off anyway, you should carefully plan some fruitful and fun outings to make the most of them. Visiting relatives in another town or a different country is a good option. Going to parks, the zoo, a lakeside picnic, or a cabin in the mountains for the weekend are other enjoyable choices.
   
   If you are on a budget, you can camp out in your own backyard, teaching your children how to set up a tent and start a bonfire!

   Once you get into it, your creative ideas will start flowing. For example, during Halloween, when all other children are trick-or-treating or getting pumpkins from the pumpkin patch, you can still buy your children some candy and a pumpkin, explaining how Allah created it. Later, after the holiday has passed, you can buy them a costume of their liking if they feel dismayed at not having one while other children do.

   For older children, you can provide a brief background on Halloween and explain why it is not celebrated in Islam. The same goes for Christmas: when your children ask who Santa is or why everyone is decorating a tree in their living room, you can explain the background of the celebration—which is only possible if you understand it yourself first!

   You should remember that unless you focus on providing fun alternative family entertainment and outings, your children will inevitably want to join in international holiday celebrations, feeling left out and lonely. It is easy to deny them these celebrations, but much more difficult to provide enjoyable alternatives. As Muslim parents, it is your duty to do the latter.

   One of the questions many Muslim mothers have asked me is, "How do I avoid celebrating my child's birthday? I give in to pressure from relatives who say it is just harmless fun, but afterward, I end up feeling bad about encouraging a celebration that has no basis in Islam."

   The answer is to provide an alternative celebration for your child a month or so before their actual birthday arrives.

   First, explain to them that their birth date shifts according to the lunar calendar, just as the annual Eid celebrations do. Help them remember their lunar birth date and year (you can click here for a solar-to-lunar date converter) alongside the Gregorian one.

   Because children should not be denied fun and parties, organize a gathering every year for each of your children before their birthday arrives, inviting all their friends for games, food, and fun. That way, the child will not feel unloved when their actual birthday passes uncelebrated; they will already feel special and remembered.

   Instead of a cake, you can serve individual muffins. Leave out the birthday song, candle-blowing, and cake-cutting, but keep the games, assorted party food, Islamic musical entertainment (such as duff-accompanied nasheeds), and colorful decorations as part of the festivities. Instead of making your child expect gifts from guests, buy individual gifts that he or she can hand out to each friend when they leave. This encourages your child to develop a giving spirit.

   Muslim parents should also plan special festivities for both Eids so that their children never feel their family is boring or "no fun." If annual children's parties, beach picnics, trips to the park or playground, the zoo, museums, and fun-fairs—along with swimming, cycling, archery, horse-riding, and other sports—are a regular part of your children's lives, they will never miss birthday celebrations, as their desire for enjoyment will be more than satisfied.

   For this to be possible, you as a Muslim parent must ensure you provide healthy, Islamic alternatives for your children's enjoyment.

3. Respect others; abstain from preaching intolerance or judgmental behavior:
   
   Just because you and your family are not celebrating a particular holiday, there is no need to pass judgment on those who are. Allah alone is the Judge of mankind. You can pass the days calmly and unaffected by the festivities, and if asked why they are being observed, keep your reply factual and brief—for example, "They celebrate it because it is their cultural and religious tradition," or "It is a special, festive day in their religious calendar."
4. Reflect upon your identity:
   People often do things in the heat of the moment simply because everyone else is doing them. This attitude is indicative of youth, immaturity, and impulsiveness. Wise, mentally independent, and intelligent people do not just follow the crowd. They reflect on who they are, what they believe, and where they want to go in life before taking action.

   As a Muslim, if you feel there is "nothing wrong" with participating in community celebrations—even if they stem from the belief systems of other religions—perhaps you should ask yourself some key questions about your faith. What do you believe, and why? Why are you a Muslim? Is it because you were born one? Because your parents raised you as one? Or because you have chosen to be one after serious study of authentic Islamic sources? Are you like a leaf floating on a river, going wherever the current takes you, or are you a strong, confident individual who knows who they are, what they want in life, and is unapologetic about it?

5. Whether you choose to celebrate or not, there is no need to be overly vocal about your opinions:
   Perhaps you are one of those Muslims who happily celebrate every holiday under the sun with an eclectic group of friends, pulling out all the stops and disregarding Islamic restrictions when it is time to eat, drink, and be merry. Consequently, you may despise the sight, sound, or company of Muslim men in thobes, wearing kufis and sporting beards, accompanied by hijab-wearing wives, as they inform others about the reality of these holidays and why celebrating them is impermissible in Islam. Whenever you get the chance, you snub, criticize, and degrade these practicing Muslims, calling them demeaning names and rejecting their polite efforts at Islamic brotherhood.

   Be a little tolerant yourself; live and let live. If they make you feel guilty and provoke a defensive reaction, resist the urge to put them down in front of non-Muslims—it is an unappealing look. Just live and let live, quietly.

6. Try not to get into arguments:
   Your Muslim neighbor, sibling, or friend might not be keen on celebrating the New Year and may forbid their children from attending New Year parties. Your "weird" cousin might refuse to buy gifts, chocolates, or flowers for his wife on Valentine's Day, stating he "doesn't believe in it." Your married sister might pull her children out of a secular school when it hosts a Christmas celebration, and your parents might refuse to put up a Christmas tree, presents, or stockings on Christmas Eve because they insist they are Muslims.

   No matter how much you fail to understand or appreciate this apparent "extremism" or "narrow-mindedness," try not to argue with them about their beliefs. They have their reasons, and those reasons are likely genuine to them. If you do not mind friends of other faiths making an effort to preserve their cultures and traditions, do not resent fellow Muslims for intending to do the same. Have you ever wondered why Chinese restaurants are decorated in red, or why most Hindus do not eat beef? Do you criticize them for it? If not, treat your fellow Muslims with the same respect.

If you are comfortable and confident in your faith, you will not be bothered by what the world thinks of you when you decline to participate in secular festivals and celebrations. However, if you are personally inclined toward these celebrations, you will likely resort to complaining about and criticizing the restrictions of Islam, labeling those who adhere to them as extremists, bores, or fundamentalists. Whatever the case, try to avoid fighting over each other's choices, and remember that mutual respect and tolerance are championed by all major religions. Adhere to this universal law—especially with your brothers and sisters in Islam—whenever pumpkins, fir trees, red hearts, or Santa Claus appear on the horizon.

Sadaf Farooqi is a freelance writer who contributes articles regularly to Hiba Magazine, SISTERS Magazine, Helium, and more recently, the group blog Muslimmatters. She may be contacted at [email protected].